How to Give and Receive Feedback (SBI Model with Scripts)
Soft SkillsLesson 3 of 44 min read
What you'll learn
- Give specific feedback using the Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI) model
- Turn criticism into forward-looking requests (feedforward)
- Receive feedback without getting defensive and decide what to act on
- Handle defensive reactions calmly using ready-made scripts
On this page
Most feedback fails for the same reason: it is too vague to act on. "Be more proactive" or "your presentation was great" gives the other person nothing to repeat or change. The fix is to describe what you actually saw and what it caused.
What the SBI model is and why it works
SBI stands for Situation, Behavior, Impact, a model from the Center for Creative Leadership. You name the specific situation, describe the observable behaviour (what you saw or heard, not what you assume about the person's attitude), and say what impact it had on you, the team or the work.
It works because it sticks to facts the other person can check. "You were careless" is a judgement they can reject. "In yesterday's release, the config file was missing, and QA lost two hours" is an event they can recognise.
| Vague feedback | SBI feedback |
|---|---|
| "You need to communicate better." | "In Tuesday's standup (S), you said the task was on track, and on Thursday it was two days late (B). I made a commitment to the client based on your update (I)." |
| "Great job on the presentation." | "In today's client demo (S), you answered the pricing question with a clear example (B). The client said it cleared up their concern (I)." |
| "Your code is messy." | "In the PR for the invoice module (S), several functions had no names that described their purpose (B). It took me a long time to review and I might miss bugs (I)." |
How to give feedback, step by step
- Ask permission and choose the setting. "Do you have 10 minutes for some feedback on yesterday's demo?" Give critical feedback in private and soon after the event.
- State the situation with a time and place so there is no doubt what you mean.
- Describe the behaviour with facts only. Remove words like "always", "never", "lazy" or "unprofessional".
- Explain the impact honestly, whether it is positive or negative.
- Stop and listen. Ask "How did it look from your side?" The other person may have context you do not.
- End with feedforward: a forward-looking request for next time, such as "Next time, can you flag a delay as soon as you see it?"
"Hi Meera, do you have 10 minutes? I'd like to share some feedback on the weekly
report."
"In this week's report (S), the revenue figures for the north region were
from last month's data (B). Our manager noticed in the review, and it made the
whole report look unreliable (I)."
"How did that happen from your side?"
[Listen]
"Thanks for explaining. Next time, can you add the data refresh date at the
top, and check it before sending? I am happy to review it together once.""In today's customer call (S), you slowed down and summarised the issue before
suggesting a fix (B). The customer calmed down and agreed to the plan (I).
Please keep doing that."How to receive feedback without getting defensive
Feeling a sting when someone criticises your work is normal. The goal is not to avoid the feeling but to avoid acting on it in the first ten seconds. Use this sequence: listen to the end, ask clarifying questions, thank them, and decide later what to do.
Listen fully, no interrupting.
Clarify:
"Can you give me an example of when that happened?"
"What would you like to see instead?"
Acknowledge:
"Thanks for telling me. I'll think about it and come back to you by Friday if
I have questions."
Check:
"So the main point is that my updates should flag delays earlier. Is that right?"You do not have to agree with all feedback. Treat it as data: if one person says it, think about it; if three different people say the same thing, it is probably real. If it conflicts with other instructions, ask your manager which takes priority.
Handling defensive reactions
When you give feedback, the other person may argue, go quiet or say "that's not fair." Do not escalate and do not retreat. Slow down and return to facts.
They argue: "That wasn't my fault."
You: "I'm not trying to blame you. I want to understand what happened. Can
you walk me through it?"
They go quiet or upset: "I can see this is not easy to hear. Let's take
five minutes and pick it up after."
They bring up other people: "That may be true, and we can talk about it
separately. Today I'd like to focus on the report."Common mistakes
- The compliment sandwich on autopilot. Praise, criticism, praise often hides the real message. Be kind and clear instead.
- Judging the person instead of describing the behaviour. "You are careless" versus "the config file was missing."
- Saving it up. Giving six months of feedback at once feels like an ambush.
- Public criticism. Do it in private unless it is positive.
- Explaining before understanding when receiving. Say thanks and ask questions first; explain after.
- Never asking. Ask your manager or peers: "What is one thing I could do differently?"
How this shows up in interviews and on the job
"Tell me about a time you received critical feedback" is a very common behavioural question. A good STAR answer describes the feedback honestly, what you did with it and what changed afterwards. Avoid a fake weakness like "I work too hard." For more on avoiding weak answers, see common interview mistakes.
On the job, people who ask for feedback early are usually the ones who improve faster. In your first job, asking "What is one thing I could do better next week?" shows maturity, and it often prevents small habits from turning into a rating in your review.
How to practise
Write one SBI statement per day for a week: one for something someone did well and one for something to change. You do not have to deliver them. Writing forces you to separate fact from judgement. Then deliver the positive ones first; that is the easiest way to start.
Try it yourself
Think of a recent event at work, college or a team project. Write one positive and one improvement-focused SBI statement about a colleague (or about yourself), each in two sentences, and add one feedforward request.
Show a hint
Replace any judgement word (lazy, sloppy, great) with what the person actually did or said, and say what happened because of it.
Key takeaways
- SBI (Situation, Behavior, Impact) keeps feedback specific and based on observable facts.
- Finish with feedforward: a clear request for what to do next time.
- When receiving feedback, listen, clarify, thank, and decide later what to act on.
- If someone gets defensive, return to facts and ask for their view instead of arguing.
Test yourself
A trick from this lesson's ride: SBI: the scene, the camera footage, the ripple effect. Four more tricks like it wait along the route, each followed by a question.
Frequently asked questions
What is the SBI feedback model?
SBI stands for Situation, Behavior, Impact. It was developed by the Center for Creative Leadership. You describe when and where something happened, what the person did, and what effect it had, which keeps feedback specific and less personal.
How do I give constructive feedback to a colleague without hurting them?
Ask permission, do it in private, describe the specific behaviour and its impact, and listen to their side. End with a request for what to do next time instead of a judgement of the person.
How do I take criticism at work without getting defensive?
Listen to the whole message, ask for an example, and thank the person before you respond. Give yourself time to think, then decide what to change. You can disagree later, calmly and with specifics.